When I was a kid…
I used to drag my baby brother to our neighbor’s peanut farm to steal peanuts/destroy his plants while making a lot of noise so the neighbor will hear us. Then he will chase us with his samurai (espading in my language). Then I will pretend I’m a ninja saving a kid.
I also tricked my baby brother to brush his teeth in the dark, in our backyard and lock the door and laugh hard coz my brother slept crying outside.
I also almost killed my baby brother pulling him to the deep part of the river and saved him so I will be a hero.
I also set our curtains on fire because I woke up from my afternoon nap and no one was paying attention to me.
I also beat a first grader (when I was 11) because he was bullying my brother. I told him whatever he will do to my brother I will do to him. The bully was our principal’s grandson, they put me on disciplinary action. Work with the librarian arranging books. It was the best sanction ever. I bullied the bully more to be always in the library.
I’m an evil kid.
I know this is a little late, but some fans (read: one friend) have requested the lyrics to a spoken word piece I did for the past two Velour All-Star Christmas shows. Here it is:
They say that atheists
Declared war on December 25th
Took the Christ right out of Christmas
And replaced Him with…
Im Proud To Announce That I Will NOT Be Starting A Kickstarter
Break room fun.
Two dumb belles…
DB1: What is this show
they’re watching? Is this The Office thing?
DB2: No, it’s called Park and Rec (said with certainty)
Me: No, it’s the 30 Rock thing.
Both gave me why-are-you-listening-to-our-conversation look.
DB1: How do you spell “tahoe”? T-a-h-o-o?
DB2: Like the lake or the car? I think so.
Me: No, it’s h-o-e.
I love working with these people.
Hello. Like. Bye!
A girl from my high school added me on facebook few days ago. She used to call me ugly monkey. All the time. I thought she didn’t know my name. But she found me on facebook, so I guess she knew.
I hesitated if I’ll accept her friend request. But I was curious what she looks like now. I accepted the request. Checked her profile and pictures. Liked all the picture she looked hideous. Then blocked her.
I’ve been reading a lot about the Roman Empire on Wikipedia lately. While surfing the internet the other day, I stumbled across this little anecdote from the first century A.D. which I found especially timely and applicable to a similar current event from Provo culture:
“In the year 2 A.D. there…
Brandon Flowers’s “I’m a Mormon” video
Hello Scale!
Went to the doctor earlier. I’ve got good news and bad news. Good news I’m healthy. Nothing to worry. Bad news I am now only 103 lbs. Unbelievable!
Where did all that food go?
Thank you Comcast.
I called comcast and asked nicely if they can lower our monthly bill. They did, same internet speed, half the price.
That’s what I learned from working for Verizon FiOS. You can get what you want; all you have to do is say I’ll cancel my subscription.
